Three Times Shego was (More or Less) Cloned
by Reyka Sivao
Summary: Or, Dr. Drakken Exploits Loopholes and Shego is Annoyed. (For a cracktastic prompt loosely based on Spider Man's Clone Saga.)


**1) Too Many Arms**

Shego dodged and bit back a curse that would have gotten censored on daytime television.

Her face twisted into an evil grin—only it wasn't her face, exactly. Or rather, it was, but it wasn't attached to her.

No, this particular evil grin was being directed at her by something that would have looked exactly like her, had it not been for the four extra plasma-spewing arms.

Shego scowled. She greatly preferred being the one with the evil grin, and the fact that she was facing off herself was not helping in the slightest.

"Drakken..." she growled without taking her eyes off the creature with her face.

"This was not...my...intention..." said Dr. Drakken while tapping frantically at the keyboard of his giant, flashing cloning machine.

The six-armed clone leapt toward Shego, and she dodged six bolts of plasma while hitting back with two of her own. Two had always seemed like plenty, before now.

"I said," said Shego, sweeping her clone's legs out from under her, "…no...CLONES!"

"Well, if you're being pedantic about it," said Drakken.

"I'm NOT."

"…that's not a _clone_ , per se…" He tapped at some more keys. "…but a genetically modified non-sentient homunculus featuring just a little of your DNA..."

"Use your own DNA next time!" said Shego, kicking the clone—whatever he called it, it was a freaking clone—through a nearby wall.

"Well _some of us_ don't have superpowers!" said Drakken. "It wasn't even supposed to run all the way! I just wanted to see if it was feasible to—"

She vaulted over the machine and landed in front of him, hands glowing.

"No. Clones."

Drakken looked at her.

"You make a convincing point."

The machine beeped.

"Ah-hah!" said Drakken, and pushed a big red button.

Shego looked up to where the clone was running at them, arms glowing, but before she could even take a defensive stance, the glowing fizzed, popped, and sort of whooshed, and then clone collapsed into a pile of dust.

"There. What did I tell you? Perfectly under control."

Shego looked at Drakken, and then put a hand through the control board.

* * *

 **2) Unoriginal.**

"Are you _sure?_ " said Ron Stoppable.

Shego crossed her arms. "Yes."

"But...are you like, sure-sure?"

 _"Yes."_

"But what if you really are the clone, and just don't know it?"

Shego reached out and grabbed Ron by the collar. "I am _not_ a clone!"

"Well, _I'm_ certainly not a clone," said the other her.

From Ron's pocket, Rufus gibbered and made gestures that all three of them ignored.

"If _I'm_ not, then you are!" said Shego, forgetting that she was still holding Ron.

"Um...do you mind?"

Shego dropped Ron and stepped toward the other her. "I _told_ him, no cloning!"

The other her crossed her arms. "No, _I_ told him that."

Rufus gibbered angrily and jumped out of Ron's pocket.

"Well, _one_ of us has to be, unless Wego has figured out how to shapeshift!"

The other her snorted. "Do you really think they'd work that out even if it were possible?"

Shego frowned. "You used the subjunctive 'were' correctly."

The other her snorted. "Of course, clone."

Shego's fists flared green. "That does _not_ prove that you're me!"

"You think I can't do that?" said the other her, matching her pose and lighting up her own plasma.

Rufus made a triumphant noise and pushed a button on the giant control panel behind them.

Between the two Shegos, a huge flickering green rift opened up.

"Wait, why didn't you _tell_ us there was an interdimensional portal?" said Ron.

Rufus screeched in exasperation, and Shego almost forgot to put out her hand before she planted her face in it.

* * *

3) Half-life

The face in from of her was familiar—she saw it often enough even without the benefit of a mirror, thanks to Drakken's apparent need to take 'no cloning' as a challenge.

"And what are you calling _this_ one?"

Drakken grinned with dangerously misplaced pride. "Bio-mechanical robot!"

Shego studied the form in front of her, almost too unsurprised to feel aggrieved.

This one had forgone the green in her suit for pure black, had her long hair in a single braid down the back—why in any variation of reality had Dr. Drakken thought a bio-mechanical robot would need hair?—and had a face criss-crossed with what might either be scarring or a shadow of circuitry underneath.

"And _why?"_

"Well, you'll never know who might pay good money for a top-notch assassin!"

Shego actually turned away from the deadly variation on herself to look at Drakken in shock. "You turned me into an _assassin?"_

Drakken seemed taken aback. "Well, not per se..."

Shego gritted her teeth. "I'm a _thief_ , not a murderer!"

"Well, of course you're not..."

"What do you think assassination _is_ , precisely?"

Dr. Drakken looked thoughtful.

"You make a very good point."

It was at approximately that point that Shego realized that she might possibly have made a grave error in taking her eyes off herself, because she abruptly found herself flying toward the wall with a sharp pain in her side that probably would have been a great deal worse had she not been immune to her own plasma bolts.

She only had time for half a sigh of annoyance before she left a dent in the wall and collapsed to the floor.

By the time she pulled herself up, the cavalry had arrived, if one could call two teens and a naked mole rat on snowmobiles 'cavalry'. Shego mostly ignored them and lit up her hands to attack the clone.

"Bio-mechanical robot!" shouted Drakken, and Shego started before realizing that Kim had asked what the heck he had done this time.

"Bio-mechanical robot assassin," Shego corrected with annoyance while trying to sweep the legs out from under the not-clone. Unfortunately, this one was a lot better than old six-arms...and probably had a more consistent center of balance.

"Calculating threat," said the robot in something that sound just enough unlike her own voice to perfectly hit the uncanny valley. "Assessment complete. Threat to be eliminated."

Once again, it occurred to Shego, Drakken had added an extremely counterproductive feature to his design. But she didn't have a lot of time for that annoyance, as the robot lowered a hand from the end of its now-gaping wrist and fired a plasma cannon at her.

"DRAKKEN!"

"It's a new feature!" said Drakken, clasping his hands like a kid at Christmas. "An upgrade on your abilities!"

Kim dropkicked the robot in the head, and Shego vaulted away from the falling form.

"Can you _order the thing to stop?"_

Drakken's face fell. "Oh..." he said. "Er...I was going to add that subroutine next Tuesday."

* * *

It took all three of them—Shego, Kim, and Rufus—to finally pull a wire and short-circuit the robot assassin. Shego then hopped on Drakken's ever-present getaway hovercar and they shot away from the long but apparently fingerless arm of the law.

Shego turned to where Drakken was harrumphing to himself in the driver's seat.

"If you _ever_ clone, partially clone, robotically duplicate, or otherwise cause a reproduction of me to come into existence, I will personally see to it that you never touch so much as a light switch ever again."

Drakken looked at her, and his face fell. "But..."

 _"Ever."_

"...fine."


End file.
